Tag: facebook

Why Social Media Makes You Feel Crappy About Yourself

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A few months ago a bunch of Insta-models shared polls in their Instagram stories asking if followers thought Social Media seriously harms mental health. The general consensus was a resounding YES and the research seems to back it up. A number of recent studies have been done investigating the effects of social media usage on our psychological well-being and they’ve shown that many of us tend to feel pretty crappy after an extensive stint spent on the socials.
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So why does it make us feel like crap? Well, aside from the fact that time spent on social media is time spent not doing other stuff we’re probs supposed to be doing (pls dont make me vacuum) one of the leading theories is Social Comparison theory. Basically, we see depictions of others that are a closer representation of our concept of the “Ideal” and we compare ourselves against those. It’s effect is particularly strong when it comes to making comparisons against “ideal body types” (for anglo, white women, it’s called the “thin ideal”), but can pretty much apply to any aspect of life. It’s likely that there will be people on your feeds that represent aspects of life that you would consider closer to your ideal (remember, representations can often be deceiving). The space between where you’re at and where they’re at can cause some stress and anxiety. “I wish I had that job/degree/house/family life/relationship/friendship group”, etc. Their relative social proximity to you can also increase these crappy feelings.
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How can we combat these feelings? There are two ways, either change your Social Media usage or change your concept of the “Ideal”. Sounds simple, right?
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It’s easy to get sucked into Social Media. Almost 75% of Australians actively use it (ABS, 2014), it’s on our smart phones which makes it constantly accessible, and it’s pretty much optimised by web gurus to make it as addictive as possible (it’s like internet crack). If it’s making you feel shitty, try limiting your time spent on it or deleting apps off your smartphone so you can only access it from your computer. If that’s too huge a leap, try curating your feeds a little better to stop following pages or users that make you feel angry, frustrated, jealous, resentful of or bad about yourself.
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Changing your concept of the “ideal” requires a little more of a philosophical expedition. What we consider “ideal” is wrapped up in a lifetime of experiences, exposure, and social conditioning. Often ideas of what we want don’t always come from an honest and authentic place, and might instead be ego-fuelled by the need to prove something to ourselves and others. These things might not get us any closer to living happy and fulfilling lives – but it’s super easy to think they will (more 👏🏼 money 👏🏼 pls). 
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Finally, remember people’s depictions of life on Social Media can be a false representation of actual reality.

The good news is that studies have also shown the negative psychological effects of social media usage can be thwarted by being an informed and educated social media consumer. So remember, don’t always believe everything you see, and don’t believe everything you think.

i(n)GRATITUDE

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Being grateful does us good. Studies have shown that we can increase our levels of happiness by cultivating a daily gratitude practice – that is, by taking time out every day to acknowledge a few things that we’re grateful for. It can help drag us out of the funk of forever focusing on the things we don’t have and be appreciative of the things we do have. But what about when we decide to take our gratitude to the mean feeds of social media? 
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I’ve always found loud and public gratitude kind of a weird thing. And since the emergence of apps like Facebook and Instagram, gratuitous gratitude is on constant, public display. People announcing how lucky they are for their partners, or how #blessed they are to be lounging on sunny beaches drinking cocktails. And I’m guilty of it too. Hell, I’ve posted my share of “Tough Day at Work” *posts photo at Opera Bar* and “Happy Anniversary to us! Here’s to many more”. I don’t want to get into shaming posts of gratitude, but I do sometimes wonder about my own intentions when it comes to posting this type of content. Whether I’m doing it to really acknowledge my gratitude, or whether I’m just keen for some quick and easy compliments to boost my self esteem and highlight to my Internet “friends” some of the aspects of my life that aren’t falling apart rn, and accompany them with some some stylised photography?
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There’s also the issue of how insensitive some of these posts can seem at times, particularly when you acknowledge that you’re bound to have people on your feed that are going through hard times and experiencing devastating loss, grief, loneliness, isolation, stress, anxiety and depression. I can only imagine how hard it is for someone scrolling their feed on Mother’s Day after losing their mother, or going through a divorce on Valentines Day. When your cyber declaration of gratitude only compounds another person’s feeling of hopelessness, was that public post really worth it? 
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Most of us have such a great deal to be grateful for, but perhaps sometimes it’s worth taking stock of how we can best express that gratitude with integrity and honesty. Maybe there’s power in #stay[ing]humble and taking a few moments before going to bed writing down or even just thinking about what makes us grateful in quiet reflection irl. Or maybe that’s so two-thousand-and-late and just post about everything on Twitter, idk. This whole social media revolution has changed the way we interact with our world and to some degree with ourselves and our own thoughts and feelings. Whether gratitude has a place here remains to be seen. And while we’re still working it out, I will be sharing photos from my upcoming holiday to Vegas. Bc #blessed (and also, I like compliments). 

 

HEROES & VILLAINS (OF FACEBOOK)

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I’ve considered deleting Facebook. Many times. I find, particularly when I’m in a fragile emotional state, it can drum up feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. Life’s-not a-competition-but-you’re-winning kinda thing.
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I’m not deleting Facebook, however, as it helps me keep in contact with my close friends and helps me get work, so I’ve basically tried to live with it instead of against it. One of the most helpful realisations I’ve made recently is that Facebook is a stage, and us (the donkey’s on it), merely players. Now I’m certainly not judging the validity of everyone on Facebook’s “realness”. Of course, you’re all the realest (ok, maybe second realest if we’re counting Iggy), but the image we present of ourselves across Facebook is a construction. Almost like a reality tv show, where we know we’re watching real people, but we also know we’re not getting the whole story.
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So, day in, day out we are confronted with a myriad of people that invite us into little, carefully crafted snippets of their lives. And soon enough, characters emerge. Depending on your world view, your personal tastes and your position in life, you notice that, as in any good stage show, there are goodies and baddies, people you root for and people you boo (maybe silently behind a Retina display monitor or loudly in a string of comments with accompanying angry gifs to convey your furious emotions. I, for the most part, prefer the fourth wall up for my dramas, so will rarely get directly involved (but it you prefer a pantomime, hey, go nuts).
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As with good characters too, we’re often encouraged to read between the lines. The way you are and the way you appear (on FB) are not always in sync (and are occasionally completely at odds), and obviously you don’t share every aspect of yourself with the Facebook community (although it seems like some people are trying to, amirite?) so there are a large number of conclusions being drawn here, about you, about what you’re like, what you do, who you are. People will use whatever colours they want to paint you into a hero or a villain (a hero in your eyes might appear as a villain in mine and vice versa). (Of course this only works for people who solely exist in your life as a cyber presence – IRL friends and family have established their multifaceted and complex human natures to you through a history of real life interactions.)
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The characters on my wall are endless, and I’m clapping for the girl who’s attended a slew of weddings but it still waiting on that proposal from her long time boyfriend. I’m cheering on the newly pregnant woman who doesn’t disguise her struggles and appears both genuinely thrilled and properly terrified by her impending sentence. Then there’s the less-than-heroic young, corporate dude who shares meninism posters, photos of Friday night piss-ups and memes featuring women with huge breasts, or the self righteous mother who deems everyone’s life achievements unworthy compared to the fact she’s popped a couple of blubs out of her uterus.
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You may think I’m the villain, for making these judgments. You might preach about supporting all my fellow FB frenz and that I should be speaking up for social justice and I should defriend/unfollow anyone I don’t agree with or think is a dick. But srsly dudes, I don’t want a Facebook feed full of people just like me, furiously agreeing with one another. I like the try hards, the braggers, the preachers and the jerks. They’re probably a punish in real life, but on Facebook, they keep things interesting (the baddies are always the most interesting).
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If you’re reading this, disgusted and horrified that I’m blithely suggesting I’m reducing you down to a pantomime cyber character, fine. Let me be the villain. Or defriend me, I don’t care. I think it’s a healthier approach to start seeing Facebook as the fabulous, constructed, masterpiece theatre it is, rather than a gripping insight into the real lives of others: where I for one, am a glamorous and successful, young artist with a thoughtful, inquisitive nature, a handsome boyfriend and an eternally happy family.
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Because nothing reeks of reality more than total and utter perfection. lol.