Tag: success

Why I secretly want celebrities to fail

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Ok. I’m going to be real with you right now and I’m well aware that it will not make me look good. But there is a part of me that quite enjoys seeing celebrities fail. Whether it’s marriage breakdowns or public scandals, their creative projects bombing on a grand scale or them simply getting dragged for being socially unaware and generally tone-deaf to the current cultural climate.

Now I don’t generally enjoy basking in the suffering of others. Schadenfreude is a big ugly German word and, I mean, I’m not a psychopath (I know, I’ve done the test). So I’ve been curious about why I derive pleasure from seeing – what are essentially – other human beings fuck up.

I first thought it was the reassuring thought that “celebrities are people too” and they make mistakes. This would then make me feel better about my own mistakes. However, I think this reasoning is far too magnanimous to explain my reactions.

So I started re-evaluating our relationship with celebrities. Generally, they are quite shallow, curated and voyeuristic. Unless we’re close friends with a celebrity, we don’t know that much about them besides the fact they are publicly recognised in their given field, have a large platform through which to communicate and are (probably) wealthy.

Now how do we define/understand the following…?

  • Recognized in one’s given field
  • Has large platform through which to communicate/access resources
  • Wealthy

If you’re anything like me, you might see the former points as a clear representation of objective success. These celebrities are often living, breathing icons of “success”. So when someone successful stumbles, fails or fucks up in some way, it’s almost indicative of the fact that they can’t have it all. They can’t have the success and the happy relationship, or success and the smart kid who gets into college off their own back, or success and a first-class law degree.

This type of objective “success” is seen as its own reward. And a pretty lush one at that. Why should these people need more – when it seems like they have so much already? Perhaps I enjoy their failure (as Scrooge-ish as it seems) because it evens the playing field?

There’s plenty wrong with this way of thinking – enjoying the failure of others is a definite “dick-move” mindset. But it does provide me some insight into my personal insecurities and shortcomings as well as a little perspective on a few issues, namely:

  • The mindset of scarcity, e.g. the more someone else has, the less there will be for me.
  • My personal concept of success, e.g. what does it mean to live a successful life? What do I need in order to consider myself a success?
  • Judgement e.g. why do I react with hostility to other people? What is it about them that makes me feel threatened?

 I’m going to explore these points in some future blogs to see if I can get a little more wise in these departments. Do you ever recognise these issues at the heart of any of your dick-move mindsets? Lmk.  

WHY YOU’LL NEVER BE CONGRATULATED FOR YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS

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At this time of year, there’s plenty to celebrate. With an influx of engagements and pregnancy announcements – our parties, functions and online feeds are gushing with public proclamations of some recently unlocked life achievement. 


After celebrating my own engagement this year, my partner and I have received many congratulations regarding the upcoming nuptials. Our online announcement elicited many messages of celebration and well wishes, and after the wave of dopamine subsided, I pondered the moments in our lives that will be met with the most congratulations. Weddings, engagements, new jobs, new houses, babies and births – these milestones are widely understood as positive, undoubtedly  celebration-worthy events and they all mark the occurrence of one thing – a new beginning.   
New beginnings are exciting. They symbolize the heralding of something different, and unknown. Starting something new can fuel us with a fresh sense of purpose and direction.
The moments in life that I feel are truly celebration-worthy are not the beginnings. But the middles. When you’re faced with hardship you never anticipated. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable and it is scary and uncomfortable. When everything seems to be conspiring against you. When you are so overwhelmed, broken and defeated and you’re teetering on the brink of giving it all up.


But you don’t.

These silent and noble moments often pass unnoticed. Not met with any filtered Instagram posts or public announcements over Christmas lunch. I often wonder if we underestimate the importance of these moments because they’re not received with a champagne toast, or a stylized photo shoot or 100+ little cyber thumbs-up. 

So with no likelihood of public congratulations, it will be up to you (and perhaps those very close to you) to recognize and celebrate these true life achievements. Albeit not as flashy as the beginnings of a lifelong love or a brand new baby, these moments make up the invisible middles that help strengthen our connections, build our resilience and fill our lives with purpose, direction and growth. So if no ones congratulated you for those moments this year, I’m raising a glass for you right now. 

HEAD FIRST

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People quantify success in many ways; what job you have, what car you drive, what school you send your kids to. I used to think that, in order to be successful, there was a bunch of stuff you needed to do/have/accomplish. But a few life lessons got me reevaluating my personal concept of success and exploring the notions of happiness and self-acceptance.
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The most important lesson I think I ever learned is that everything starts from the head first – with our ability to take in and make sense of the world. We can be our own best friend or our own worst enemy (and sometimes both at the same time).

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Our thinking determines everything. It determines how we feel about ourselves, how we feel about others, what we want, what we are capable of, how we feel about our past, how we feel about our future. It’s a daily struggle for lots of us, and for many, an inescapable nightmare. 

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But the conversations around mental health and mental wellness are often stuffy and boring. We bring it up when things are going wrong (and even then, we can still be reluctant to do so for fear of judgement). Rarely do we celebrate our moments of mental victory, or take a moment to consider how making little changes can positively enhance our lives.
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So I thought I’d start this blog. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but it is a chance to share thoughts, discoveries and observations on tackling life, love and everything else head first. Perhaps together we can learn a few things, help take the edge off and start building new, inclusive concepts of success, happiness and self-acceptance that are achievable for all of us. 

DREAM OFF/ON

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I used to read a helluva lot of biographies back in high school. Book after book recounting the extraordinary lives of rock stars, actors, comedians and such. The stories were captivating and almost a blueprint of how I wanted to shape my own life. It seemed simple, you have a dream, and you go out and get it. Of course there’s a great deal of hard work involved. A lot of people you need to get out and meet. A lot of shit you have to put up with before the good stuff happens. But it seemed doable.

So I started taking steps towards living the life I always dreamed of. A creative life, that made use of my unique talents and helped share them with the world. First I quit a job that made me miserable. Next (with a little help from my friends) I fell into the right crowd and formed a band. Started singing at clubs and pubs. Soon we were playing functions and weddings. The money was good. And the job was fun. I loved the feeling of being up on stage, of helping people celebrate their birthday’s and graduations and weddings, and mostly being able to be my own boss and make money on my own terms. We starting writing our own songs. Recording them. Last year we released our first originals EP. It seemed like everything was falling into place.

Although of course, it wasn’t.

After months and months of struggling with vocal issues. Treating myself for pyschological disorders. Coming home after gigs crying because I couldn’t understand how my voice was degenerating in such a way…. “I’M DOING THIS FOR A LIVING NOW. I’M SINGING MORE THAN EVER. I’M GOOD. I’M SUCCESSFUL. I’M LIVING MY CREATIVE LIFE Wait? HOW CAN I BE GETTING WORSE!??!”

After a few inconclusive tests and vocal therapy sessions, all signs (kinda) pointed to vocal paresis. A condition that partially disables one or more of the nerves to your vocal cords, rendering it exceptionally difficult to support your voice and control breathing, pitch and tone (basically the main requirements to be a professional singer.) There was no fix either. Maybe some expensive therapy. But then who can afford that when you realise that you don’t have a job anymore?

It was excruciating. In an instant it felt like my whole future went up in flames. Everything I had been working for for years. Gone.

“If you can dream it, do it.” “Dream big.” “The biggest adventure you can take is to live your dreams.” “Never let go of your dreams.”

Well what fucking happens if your dreams let go of you? No one writes biographies of those people. The unlucky ones. The partial-achievers. Lets be real – the failures. But they’re out there, I know, because I’m one of them.

So what’s next? Start again, I guess. Right from the beginning.

Take a blank page, and make a mark, however small.

Who knows, sooner or later, things might bloom.